H: The Meaning of Stress, or, Why I Love Jessica Moores and Stout Photography.

I've spoken about our photographer Jessica repeatedly and repeatedly touted her awesomeness. Well, Jessica is the gift that keeps on giving.

I've been really, really stressed out the past couple of days and not because of the wedding, but because of the house. We're moving tomorrow, and there are still boxes to pack, and STILL a loan to secure. Luckily the seller of our house is a total sweetheart and letting us rent the place until such time as the loan goes through once and for all or we find another lender.
That coupled with the fact that I've had a toothache the past four days or so means that it's been a rough week and unfortunately wedding planning has taken a backseat at a time that it shouldn't and I really don't want it to. Now that things have calmed down I find myself needing to re-examine what's left to do, but my heart wasn't as in it as I wanted it to be since I'm too worried.
Then on a whim I decided to re-visit Jessica's blog, and I was blissfully reminded of why I'm doing this, and how wonderful it's going to be. Shots like these, and these. Look at the joy. The love. The sheer excitement of a family coming together to create something larger and more full of love, and finally the relief of knowing that - for better or worse - these two people have knitted and united themselves together. It's wonderful and it's FUN. Somewhere along the line of stress and uncertainty about what was going on, I'd forgotten that.
I'm very happy, and very grateful, to be reminded.

H: When you really know he's the right person.

Throughout my life, I've heard stories of how people knew that their mate was "the one", and I'm certainly no exception. I figured it out when Josh held my hair back unprompted for me to wash my face when I couldn't find a hair tie. Of course, it wasn't just this act, but it's what it symbolized; that this person was MY person. That we would do something to and for each other that no one else would, and we'd do it unprompted.
Okay. That's all well and good, but that's talking about the mushy stuff. The candles and red wine while soaking in a bubble bath filled with romance. What about the boring mundane of the everyday? The bills to pay? Decisions to make? The darker times? Most marriages that are going to fail do so within the first two years and even the most loving couples argue on occasion.
I realized this yesterday and I've been thinking it over ever since: whenever Josh and I have a fight, I'm MORE certain that he's the right person for me, not less.
Here's why: we fight fair. No name calling, no shouting, no bringing up old events, no accusatory statements (which actually isn't on our radar since we get things settled). Even when we're angry, upset, frustrated, etc. we make a point to communicate well. And we trust each other enough to talk about what we're going through in our own heads and know that the other person won't make fun of or judge the other for it. Even though we're fighting, we're on the same side. We're always a team.
I'm happy to say that this gets results. When we fight, we work together to solve the problem. Admittedly, a lot of the credit (I'd say about 55-60%) goes to Josh since I'm a stubborn creature and he's more willing to be the first person to say "I see your side of it" and from there I agree and we work out the solution. I'm learning from him though and working on it. And luckily I can laugh at myself enough to say "can't, too stubborn!" or, my personal favorite, "...I'd like it just fine."
I'm learning that fighting with Josh is one of the best parts of our relationship specifically because it makes us both better people and our relationship stronger. I don't like it when we're angry, but I do like that both of us acknowledge that the thing we're fighting about is usually a symptom of something else that's bothering us, and we feel free to address it.
Proof that, once again, he is the most incredible man alive.

Nightmares....oh....the nightmares....

I've written before about some of the nightmares I've had while wedding planning but they've lately been leaving me alone. Given that we're now 22 days out, I suppose I was due for one.
In the one I had last night, everything went wrong. I had forgotten to make the escort cards, my hair stylist/beloved friend Janaya got angry and left, our make up artist was highly annoyed that we were three hours late, we weren't going to have any time for pictures, all the guests were arriving and eating at the wrong time, they were seeing me before the wedding getting my hair and make up done, someone in the bridal party brought an extra guest....it was just a mess.
But, like all my wedding nightmares, this one motivated me to get everything going. I've ordered the tags for the escort cards and they should be arriving very soon if they haven't already.
I never felt like I was running out of time in regards to my wedding. Never. It was always so abstract. Now that it's just a few weekends away....I'm starting to really feel the pressure. I can no longer add components or change the menu. I now have to solve very real logistical problems quickly and to everyone's satisfaction, which really puts the year of diplomacy to the test.
For a while there, I was really sick of my wedding. That's the main reason I didn't blog, I think. I really had nothing to say on the matter. But now that we're starting to get close, I'm once again really looking forward to it and trying to figure out all the cracks that I may have missed, all the bits that still need to be set and all the kinks that still need to be massaged. It's the moment of truth here, folks. And I will not tell a lie.

Updates, 20 something days out

We met with our amazing DJ Joe, our incredible jeweler Mike, and are now at 75 scarves. The seating chart is pretty much done and I'm at the point of not being concerned with anything. I'm just going to sit back, relax, and dwell in my strong belief that everything is going to go beautifully well.

H: Weight Loss and the W word

Pressure, pressure, pressure.
We live with daily societal pressure.It provides a veritable How-to for just about everything; how to be a good daughter, how to screw up your life, how to fit in, how to keep on top, how to be accepted by your fellow human beings, how to keep polite company. It is, for lack of a better term, our way. Wedding planning is no different, and while living inside of it I've seen these how-to's amplified, exemplified, and without logic celebrated to the point of infamy. I've been exposed to a completely different societal pressure than I ever have before. One of those societal pressures? Weight loss. In order to be the ideal bride, I must wear a white dress, I must have my hair done, I must be neatly trimmed with make-up in place, and I must be thin. If I'm not, there will be consequences. Observe:



and my personal favorite:

I've got to ask....does this piss anyone else off? Or is it just me?

I'm now ashamed to admit that one of the first things I thought of when Josh and I set a date was "okay....that gives me a year and a half to lose weight" and I'm certainly not alone. Some people do see a wedding as an excellent chance to drop some weight, and this can be a good thing because it provides a wonderful opportunity for better health. I myself have dropped a few pounds (though that's because I put my back out last month and pain is an appetite suppressant) and yes, I feel and look a bit better. I'm not against that by any stretch of the imagination.
BUT one of the saddest things that I constantly come across on the wedding forums is people trying to lose weight for their wedding in the UNFOUNDED belief that if they don't they will be ugly, or they won't have a good time, or more importantly, that they somehow would have let everyone down.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially calling BULL$**T.

Josh loves me, all of me, the way I am. He does not judge me because I have a little extra in the trunk (always have, always will). He loves my arms, even though I think they're flabby. Is he going to see me coming down the aisle and think "hmm, she could have stood to lose a bit"? Hell no. I'm not going to starve myself. I'm not going to feel bad about myself.

I'm going to be a bride, the way I am.

H: When dreams and reality collide.

78 days left. 62 scarves complete. 55 confirmed RSVPs received, slightly more beef than chicken with one vegetarian thus far, two if you count Bridesmaid Jen who doesn't really need to RSVP. I'm gobbling up the news of response cards received and making the same to-do lists over and over again, always shifting and changing what I think still needs to get done, letting go of what is too late to accomplish.
Suddenly it is all very, very real and I find myself wondering what is going to go wrong and if this is in fact going to be the greatest day of my life. When I ask myself the questions themselves I come back with "of course not, silly goose". I get to emerge as fully married to the love of my life by the end of November. How many people truly get to do that? That's very real and that's what it's really about. But the fact that my wedding is no longer an abstract seems to be making me somewhat uneasy. I wish I knew why because I would really, really like to know. Maybe the magnitude of what is happening. I feel like there's a large and very important flock of geese headed in this direction, and I've always been on the flight path. But this time instead of being a stop along the way, Josh and I are the destination.
I don't know. I can't really think of any other appropriate metaphors, even avian ones. I don't even know if I'm right. Maybe I'm feeling stress. Maybe buying a house while finishing up wedding planning is what's fueling my feelings of malaise. Maybe that once again everything is changing rapidly and I'm trying to catch up. Maybe it's about having to heal and being in the middle of getting my body back from indescribable pain and the knowledge that I am, in fact, still an animal. Maybe it's a combination. Whatever it is, I am really, really emotionally drained.
I don't mean to complain, I really don't. I'm incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and the people in my life that I have. My life is wonderful, I don't pretend that it isn't. I suppose that I'm just in the middle of a lot and it's taking a bunch out of me. I thoroughly look forward to the coming festivities!

And....they're off!

On Sunday Josh and I met with Mom and Sister Jen to stuff our invitations. We stamped and addressed 56 envelopes. Mom wrote, Jen stamped, Josh sealed, I stuffed.

I've been so freaked out about the guest list...going over capacity, people feeling like second class citizens during dinner, parents being angered at our limited child list, etc. and as we stuffed and sealed, a sense of calm washed over me. It was done. The decisions had been made.
And also by sending out our invites, we're affording other people the opportunity to get excited about the wedding, too!

Yesterday, we released our little bundles of excitement into the wilds of the US Postal system.
God help us all.

H: "I didn't think I could be any more in love" - a true story.

Chapter One: August 5th, 2010
So, Tuesday morning I got up as per usual and went about my morning routine: get up, get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, and feed the Dondi-kins before feeding myself. I went to lift the lid to her kibble container and just happened to notice that the measuring scoop was missing at the exact same time I felt a searing, horrifying, debilitating pain in my lower back which promptly led to me falling over into an awkward reverse-crab type position. So of course I start screaming and begging God for the sweet kiss of death when Josh runs over to me, groggy and half nekkid. I mumble a non-committal "I think I threw my back out" then ask him to help me up, which incidentally turned out to be a HUGE mistake. He held me while I passed out and (I'm told) gently lowered me to the floor. He then spent the rest of the morning with me on the kitchen floor, giving me Ibuprofen and trying to find a chiropractor that could get me in, like, five minutes ago. Later on, he tried to help me stand and when I couldn't, he put me on a blanket and dragged me over to the bathroom, then helped me pee, then got me dressed and stayed with me on the bathroom floor.

Our 14-week-old kitten Alice decided that it was awesome that Mom was on the floor, because this meant she now had a spring board to get up onto the counter! Trust me, it was hilarious when she jumped full on to my face with gazelle-like grace and would have continued to be hilarious if by doing so she hadn't sent my body into a spasm. At that point, Josh held me and begged me to let him take me to the ER but alas, no health insurance so I was forced to rather delicately decline.
Eventually we got an appointment with the chiropractor for 1:30 and at about 12:45 Josh used our make shift wagon to drag me to the door. He then picked me up and CARRIED me to the car and I've got to say, I'm not fat, but I am not light. He actually got down on the floor and lifted me up. His strength was amazing and I was so scared the entire time that he would strain something himself, but he was determined.

As an aside regarding chiropractic medicine, I was carried in to that office crying and a bit of a skeptic and hobbled out vertical so they're definitely doing something right. And in case you're wondering, bulging disk. The doctor is going to be spending the next week helping my body put everything back in place.

Anyhoo, over the past few days Josh has been taking care of me; making sure I do my exercises, rubbing salve on my back, helping me in the bathroom and the shower, getting my pills, making my food, carrying my lumbar support everywhere, helping me get up and down and in and out of things, and even getting up in the middle of the night to let our cat in and out so he doesn't wake me up. I'm getting progressively better (this morning I dressed myself!) but I shudder to think what it would have been like if he wasn't there.
I call him my Angel and there's definitely reasons for that. The really cool thing is that I'm fair sure that I'm going to keep finding new ones for the rest of our lives.

Chapter Two: August 12th, 2010
I coughed in the shower the other day and put myself back to day 1 of my healing, which sucked. I'm talking hard core spasms and sobbing while yipping like an injured chihuahua (later this gracefully subsided to begging the doctor to shoot me up with whatever will kill the pain). And what does he do? He once again carries me in from the car and then stays up ALL NIGHT watching over me in case I need anything. He also held a large bowl under me to pee in since I couldn't get up, and cleaned up my...um... mess when I missed. He cried because he hated to see me in pain. He's been encouraging me and holding me and looking after me in so many ways. There are no words.

So right now I'm on pain killers and muscle relaxants and he's been carrying around my gear, reminding me to take my meds, cleaning the house, he's been doing everything.

I looked at him today and thought, I didn't think I could love him more, but I keep on doing it. He keeps on giving me reasons to.

H: ....I have no excuse.

Seriously. No excuse. And no excuses, either. Well, at least no good ones. I guess I haven't felt much like writing. If you're reading this now, it must be because you're wonderful/wonderfully dedicated.
Well, lots has happened and I've got lots to make up for.....I shall start at the beginning:

July 10th.
My Bridal Shower

My Bridal Shower was amazing. Tracy and the gals threw an incredible shindig full of laughing, thoughtful moments, and funny hats. I walked in not knowing what to expect, and walked out touched by not only the thoughtfulness of my friends and family, but also their generosity of spirit. And their generosity of pocketbook! They gifted us some amazing things and we are so grateful.

My incredible friends/bridal party:
Mom, Dana, Missa, Tracy, (me), Jen, Robin, and Jeff

I wish I could say more...how the food was incredible, Tracy's sangria knocked everyone's socks off, or how they gave me one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received (a recipe book with recipes from my friends and family), but I can't. It was so much fun, I had such a great time, and I couldn't believe how quickly four o'clock came.


July 17th.
Dress shopping with the ladies

This was fun. It was somewhat reminiscent of my days going on trips with the band (yes, I was a band/drama geek. Snicker all you want! I had fun. Well I did!) and being together in a bus, singing songs and reveling in the camaraderie. But of course there was something of a problem with this scenario in that we didn't have a bus. With seven ladies going dress shopping (Me, Mom, Jen, Missa, Tracy, Robin, and Dana) and with a desire to keep us together, I opted to look into renting a car big enough to take everybody. Imagine my shock when Mom told me that we could rent a limo for not much more. Ummm....hmm okay let's see here....limo in which we can legally drink and don't have to drive.....or Ford Excursion where... you know, I didn't follow this line of thought much further. We went with the limo, and we kept it a secret. I wouldn't have given up the comments I heard for anything. Went something like this:
Jen: Heeeeeeeeeey, someone has a limo. Wouldn't it be awesome if it was for us?
Me: Yeah. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome.
Robin: Wait....is that limo for us?
All: Is that ours? Are we going shopping in a limo?
Hehehe. Swish. This was a special day, and I wanted to make sure my gals were comfortable.
I had the idea of having mismatched bridesmaid dresses, and I kept this with me going shopping. I had a couple ideas about the dresses: 1) The lady wearing it had to love it. 2) It was highly recommended that she be mindful of the weather. 3) It should be something in the Navy blue palette.
We started at Nordstrom rack and a bottle of champagne. No luck with Nordstrom rack, lots of luck with the champagne.
Next was Nordstrom proper, but no luck there either. Again, plenty of luck with the champagne.
Last but not least, Alfred Angelo. By this point we were out of champagne and were a bit discouraged. Dress after dress after dress and nada. Nothing. No luck.
It was ok. I had figured that we probably wouldn't find everyone's dress in one go. But that didn't stop the ladies from feeling frustrated and uncertain.
And then.....something very special happened.
My sister walked out of the dressing room wearing a look of blissful relief and what would be her dress.
Next it was Jen, then Tracy decided, then Dana, and then Robin emerged. All had managed to find a dress that fit her personality and style. And since they were coming from the same place, they could all be ordered in the same color. Woo hoo!
And there's something more....there was a brief concern that the differing fabrics and styles would clash and be an issue, but actually they're all tied together! One has a halter and is chiffon, another is strapless but made of taffeta, another is taffeta and a halter, etc. Essentially, these ladies accomplished EXACTLY what I wanted; sisters not twins, and five happy lovelies.

H: Our meeting with our coordinator!

Today, Josh, Mom, and I met with Kelly from Monte Verde Inn to go over the day of wedding stuff. We worked out the menu, the cake, the centerpieces, the order in which people will be arriving....all in all, we got a lot done! It was a lot of fun. Haha, I wish I had more to say about it! But what else is there? It was productive, and now we can finish up some of the little things, like our invitations.
We also are eliminating a few things, like the kid's toss. Originally we were going to have three tosses; bouquet, garter, and stuff for the kids. Then Kelly pointed something out; the kids will be with the event nannies and will be loaded down with goodies already.
I'm not too sad to see it go.
152 days....and we're really looking forward to it. It's real in a way that it wasn't before. It feels like so many of the decisions have now been completely taken care of and thank God for that! I feel that I'm in a better position now to reach my goal of relaxing on my wedding day and trying to take it all in. Woo hoo!

H: What's in a name? Oh.....that....

Before we were engaged or even considering marriage (which would be...ohhhh two weeks into our relationship I guess), Josh and I had an interesting conversation regarding name changes that went something like this:
H: Yeah, my plan is to keep my own name if I get married one day.
J: I refuse to have children with hyphenated names. I always promised myself that I'd take my wife's name before I let my children be saddled with hyphenated names.
H: ....really?
J: Yep.
H: Well. Okay then.

My intention was to have my children take their father's name should the day come to pass, but I figured I'd keep my mouth shut at that particular juncture. And I was right to do it!
Josh will be taking mine. Now, this is pretty cool for a variety of reasons. 1. I never felt like I had to comply with societal norms regarding male and female, and this leaves my relatively untarnished record still relatively untarnished. 2. I get to keep my family name; something very important to me. 3. The looks on people's faces and ensuing positive comments when I tell them that my fiance will be taking my last name ("That is so cool!", "Wow, that's neat! I asked my husband to do that, but he wouldn't" and the ever popular "Really? You're the first couple I've ever met to do that....that's so awesome!"). Believe me, I was very shocked myself. But lo and behold, this is what happens when your dude is the most incredible man alive.
*sigh*
I am so lucky.
I'm very grateful to him for this

H:The Guest List (or, as it's more commonly known, The Complicated Bane of My Existence)

I have very, very little to complain about regarding wedding planning (and regarding everything else, for that matter). I'm extremely lucky to have the support of my awesome family and friends, and the love of the most incredible, amazing, wonderful man on Earth (yes, he is that cool). And the truth is that I've really been enjoying wedding planning. Really. Truly! I love the details, the sweet, sweet creativity, the knowledge that it's going to come together beautifully, and the deep seeded belief that we're all going to have a glorious time and really, I've been keeping it in perspective. I've been so fortunate in that I have not in any way been plagued by many of the horrid situations or fears that other brides on the various wedding forums have been.
Except one.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you.....The Guest List.

*cue violins courtesy of the Amityville Horror*

As I've stated before in my postings, we are having a small and intimate wedding and consequently we have 80 slots. *80*.
Who would have thought that after including family, extended family, friends, and then adding family politics into the mix that we'd have some ridiculous decisions to make?
Well. Here we are!
Yikes.
Want to have an adult only reception so you don't have to decide between your friend from college and your little cousin that has to be re-introduced to you every time you see him? You certainly can, but beware the family boycott. Want to exclude your aunt that you haven't seen or spoken to in fifteen years? Careful, you don't want to offend Grandma. Good friends with someone and want to invite them, but haven't talked to them in a while? You could leave them out, but then you run the risk of becoming better friends in the next few weeks but the invites have already gone out and now they know they're a B lister.
Oh, and if you don't get this right you WILL light their fire of ire.
Good luck!

*Cue Amittyville violins again, but this time add a splash of insomnia and an unyielding ball of stress in the gut*

Planning a wedding is amazing because you learn so much about SO MUCH, including, but not limited to:
- yourself
- the people around you
- politics
- family dynamics
- economics
and last but *certainly* not least
- diplomacy.

I have had the worst time trying to determine who to leave out, not the least bit in part because I've had the worst time determining who I think it's okay (read: that I can deal with) to offend. This is because for whatever reason, no matter what I do I WILL offend someone, and this is one of the few instances where the wedding world and the real world collide. In this world, offending someone means that your wedding is boycotted and you are blacklisted from lives and events and talked about negatively among the people who are most supposed to love, support, and understand you. This must lead to damage control; explanations, apologies, awkward communications.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeat.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Probably. At least I really, really hope so. I've read so many sources now all telling me that plenty of people don't show up for whatever reason, basically stating that like so many other things, this is a problem that tends to take care of itself. I'm a big believer in that, which tends to save my sanity.
In my quiet moments when I get a bit less pensive and stop over thinking it (a common problem of mine), a lot of this doesn't make any logical sense. If a person doesn't even know I'm getting married until I send them an invite, why should they be offended when they find out later I didn't invite them in the first place? What about the people who have no intention of coming but must be invited. Why care so much? And how is it that I'm selfish if I don't want something specific/traditional at my reception, but you do?

I don't know if there's a simple answer, but if there was one I would say it's "inclusion". We all want to feel needed, to feel important enough to someone to attend their wedding, and this boils down to what the modern idea of a wedding is. To me, the wedding is a huge party that we throw to declare that we are together for life, and we throw it for the people closest to us. Not our parents, not our friends, not our extended families, us. Simple in concept, but in practice, not so much. This is because of the other side of the fence; people that believe that weddings are strictly a community affair. And it isn't that I don't believe that, because I really do! The whole reason why we have weddings in the first place is to be recognized and accepted by society as a married couple ("hands off, this is MY spouse!").

I would love to have a HUGE wedding with everyone I've ever loved there, and that's the God's Honest Truth (and if not His, then definitely mine). But we can't. We don't have the space or the scratch for what we would really want to do for all those people. Back in the day, if you couldn't throw something ornate and lovely for everyone, you didn't do it. You had cake and punch in your parent's backyard as long as you included everyone. But that isn't what we want for our wedding.

I HATE that we have to choose. But we do, in fact, have to choose. And when we do, we have to hope that we don't offend, don't inflict, don't inflame, and don't hurt anyone in a process that is complicated, rugged, and raw.

H: Falling back in love, with the help of a friend.

I must admit, I have been the victim of Dress Envy. Seeing women posting their dresses on the wedding forums at times made me yearn to dive back into an ocean of soft tulle, shining satin, luscious lace, and tafftastic taffeta. I longed to feel the wondrous swish of silk as it glided across my warm cheek. And ultimately, I questioned my love for my dress. Was it really "the One"? Was this the dress that I could see myself getting married in? Did I want to keep looking?
This past Saturday, I accompanied the glorious Miss Robin as she went wedding dress shopping and after the fact these feelings flew back at me. She found her dress, (which looks absolutely stunning on her and at an equally stunning price) and as I happily helped her search through the racks, zipped her up, and adjusted the various trains it brought back memories of my own dress shopping experience (the agonizing, the wondering, the promises of weight loss, the bargaining) and more importantly, when I found The One (eureka).
I didn't have the thunderbolt moment (I think I've blogged about that before...or maybe I haven't, I don't remember....is that bad?). It was more that I could see myself standing next to Josh wearing the dress. I felt like ME in it. And suddenly I realized that I couldn't wait to put it on again. Heck, I couldn't wait to SEE it again.
I went to visit it on Sunday. Mom brought it out and opened it up, and all I could do was pet it gently and mutter "so pretty....so very, very pretty...."
Oh yes. A sure sign that my dress is The One.

H: Miss Robin and Mr. Jeffry go to the altar.

Soooooooooooooo this past Tuesday one of my best friends in the world and one of my bridesmaids, Miss Robin Heady, got engaged to one of my best friends in the world and one of my bridesdudes, Mr. Jeffry Asbury. Thrilling. Positively thrilling.
Also positively thrilling? Miss Robin has asked me to be her Maid of Honor. Of course I have accepted!

H: Our teaser pics! (Yes, can you believe these are just the teasers?)

Jessica is amazing. I could go on and on about how she isn't just interested in her work, but interested in general. I could go on and on about how she truly cares for people and their love for each other, and how it shines through in her work. I could talk about what a wonderful person she is and what a tremendous artist. But I won't. I'll let the evidence speak for itself.
Enjoy.

H: Awesome

Yesterday was very busy and, as expected, A WHOLE LOT OF FUN!!!!!

New haircuts, nails painted, and oh such a wonderful artistic endeavor. Jessica says sneak peeks around Friday or so and I can't wait to post about them!

And yes, I am posting again at 4 am. Why? I wish to God I knew.

H: The most exciting two days I've had since I was six. Parts I and II

Oooooh I've been waiting to write this post...literally.

PART I:

5/11/10 10:26 am

It feels like the night before Christmas.
Not the kind I have now (where I'm up doing all the stuff that I still need to get done by day break before crashing from exhaustion), but the kind I had when I was a little kid (where I was hiding under a blanket with a flashlight waiting for Santa Claus before crashing from exhaustion).

I am excited.

I am VERY excited.

I am EXTREMELY excited.

I am so excited that last night I couldn't sleep and when I did I had weird dreams. Staying in my chair at work is posing a challenge and I'm giggling like a school girl every five minutes. I know that because I keep watching the clock, counting down the hours/minutes/you guessed it seconds.

Why, you ask? Two reasons:

1. Tomorrow our engagement photos will be taken with the magnificent and brilliant Jessica Moores and

2. One of my best friends in the whole world is getting engaged to one of my other best friends in the whole world. TONIGHT!

***SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL***

It doesn't seem rational that they're getting engaged and I'M as excited about it as I am, but I am! I think this is due in large part of the fact that I love them both with great fervor and devotion, and also that I selfishly am happy to not be alone. The prospect of getting to share planning and events with a best girl friend is so exciting that I just wet myself a little.

PLUS there's the little matter of these two people being two of the finest on Earth. They deserve to have a beautiful wedding and to be incredibly happy.

Jeff, Robin, I love you both so much and (as evidenced by the above rantings) I'm so excited for you! I promise, not in a creepy way!

Oh and Miss Robin: I'm sorry about deliberately misleading you (technically I didn't lie!) into thinking you'd be engaged at Christmas. But I'm sure you understand that with your refined ability to weed out information (the CIA would love you), subtle and sneaky measures were needed. My sincerest hope is that when Jeff pulled out the ring, it was a pleasant and heart-pounding surprise for you.

My Handsome Jeff: I hope that you got to say everything that you wanted to and that the pressure wasn't too much to stop you from enjoying yourself.

Somehow, I think it will turn out perfectly :-)


PART II

5/12/10 4:05 am

Once again I can't sleep and once again it's because of the same two reasons above; my darling Jeff and Robin and the incomparable Jessica Moores. The excitement of Jeff and Robin's engagement has taken hold and I'm ecstatic for them! Best part of my evening? That first text message from Robin ("you big fat liar!!!).
To my darling Miss Robin: I regret nothing!!!

Today Josh and I have our engagement session with Jessica, and that is what is primarily keeping me up at present. 4 am and I'm wide awake, plotting and thinking up fun things to do. Josh and I will be having our engagement The Citizen Hotel in Sacramento and the possibilities are ENDLESS. My list so far?
- Playing in the bathtub.
- Playing in the bathtub with rubber duckies that were a gift from my co-worker, Victoria.
- Jumping on the bed.
- Making a fort out of pillows and sheets.
- Coloring with markers and paper.
- Making signs with said markers and paper.
- Pillow fight!
- Beautiful pics of the two of us from above.
- Gorgeous laid back photos at the hotel cafe.
- Photos at sunset. 'Nuff said.

Incidentally, this is also a day of much needed pampering.
Today's schedule:
11:30: Josh's haircut and Nina's Salon in Davis.
12:00: Nail appointment (mani/pedi. THAT is going to be awesome as my nails are a MESS).
1:30: Hair appointment at Nina's Salon.
3:00: Make-up appointment at Smooth as Silk in Davis.
4:30: Pictures at The Citizen!!!

Oh yes. EXCITING.
On a practical note, I should probably do something about this excitement. I'm very happy to have it and it lends to surges in productivity, but there are some drawbacks. First, at its peak it made me physically nauseous (though to be fair that could have been the chicken burrito I had for dinner). And second, I really should be sleeping right now. I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure that the day before my wedding it will be necessary to drug myself.
I'd better get the experimenting with Benadryl and brandy out of the way BEFORE November 19th.

H: Trusting others with my wishes (literally)

The night before last I had another of my wedding nightmares and, like all the others, this one involved me forgetting to do something I really wanted to have there, thereby not getting to do something I really wanted to do (the dominant theme in my wedding dreams). More specifically, the Wish Tree hadn't been prepared/had been forgotten by me. AND people saw me in my dress before the ceremony and....and....and....yikes. While this one didn't involve Michael Jackson (rest his soul) offering me a platter of homemade apple fritters, it did produce the same level of desire for productiveness as the last one.

Instead of doing a traditional guest book, Josh and I loved the idea of doing a wish tree.
A wish tree is where people write their names, good wishes, and pieces of advice on a piece of pretty paper and then hang it on a tree.
Looks something like this:

Gorgeous, no?

I love this for a variety of reasons, not just how pretty it is. We also have a tree theme going on and it's a lovely spin on the traditional guest book. I'm really hoping that our guests will enjoy the idea as much as I do and will embrace it. Once the wedding is over, Josh and I plan on either finding a place for it in our new home, or making an extra special wedding scrapbook will the "leaves" in it.
This is one of my favorite parts of my wedding planning, and also one that I'm thinking I'm going to step away from.
I consider myself creative and crafty and following the instruction of my bloodline, I love to build things. This would be a cinch. But it's also one of those things that I'm not going to want to have to fiddle with on my wedding day (okay, that's a lie. I would LOVE to, but I'm not sure I'd have time) so I'm thinking I'll hand this project over to one perhaps two of my very capable and artistically inclined bridesmaids. Delegate, delegate, delegate!

H: Under 200 days.

We are 198 days out from our wedding. Is this particularly significant? Other than the fact that we are now LESS THAN 200 DAYS until the big day (!!! Woot!)? Nah, I guess not :-)
However it is significant and satisfying enough to warrant a blog post. Why? Because it sounds like less time than "a little over six months". Months take four weeks to move, but days? It's easy to see those tick away; just 24 hours to go until your next tiny piece of instant gratification. Considering that "patience is a virtue" was gently hammered into me from the cradle and I'm the type of person who eats her favorite food on her plate last out of sheer principle, it's a guilty pleasure that I can get on board with.

I'm one of those brides determined to have everything done and out of the way well in advance, and it's luckily a very realistic goal for me. All the major stuff is done and most of the minor stuff has been decided upon. All that's left now is to see it come to fruition which gives me plenty of time to watch the clock.
Exciting, exciting, exciting!
Speaking of exciting, Josh and I are starting to get our registry up and running. We've already started an Amazon.com registry, and tonight we've got a date with a scan gun at Macy's! I've heard that it's easy to go nuts and want everything you see. We'll try to reign it in!

H: A bit of reading.

At the risk of giving too much of our ceremony away before the big reveal (aka THE big day), I wanted to share this piece that will be read at our wedding. Mostly I think this is because I'm afraid it may be too long and need to be shortened, and just in case that happens it deserves to be posted here in its' entirety.

It’s from Plato’s Symposium:

Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of the ills which prevent us from being happy.

To understand the power of Love, we must understand that our original human nature was not like it is now, but different. Human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. There were three sexes then: one comprised of two men called the children of the Sun, one made of two women called the children of the Earth, and a third made of a man and a woman, called the children of the Moon. Due to the power and might of these original humans, the Gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. They sought for a way to end the humans’ insolence without destroying them.

It was at this point that Zeus divided the humans in half. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of humankind.

Each of us when separated, having one side only, is but the indenture of a person, and we are always looking for our other half. Those whose original nature lies with the children of the Sun are men who are drawn to other men, those from the children of the Earth are women who love other women, and those from the children of the Moon are men and women drawn to one another. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the others sight even for a moment. We pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love.

I understand this so completely that I cry when I read it. Heck, even skimming over a few lines gets me going and I'm talking waterworks here, folks. It's one of the things that explains the inexplicable about love, something that I feel so deeply and so completely for Josh that there was no other reading that I would rather have at my wedding. Luckily, Josh agrees!
This piece also allows for us to engage our views that any two people who feel this way too should have the same legal rights as we do.
We're still on the lookout for another piece to be read, hopefully from the Bible. We're not sure what yet. The old stand-by Corinthians is nice with the "love is patient, love is kind". You know the one. It's not any less true, and we can certainly agree with the sentiment, but unfortunately like every pot roast I've ever made, it's overdone.
The search is on!!!

H: Quick update: They're heeeeeere!!!!

The flower girl dresses came in the other night and they're adorable! I can't wait to try them on the girls!

H: The Bride's Side

There are plenty of facets of our wedding that I haven't yet recognized, but there is one very, very, VERY important one that I haven't gotten to yet: the wedding party. These are the men and women who make our lives bright through their warmth, love, and friendship. I'm going to take the time to fully recognize them. This is the first installment: The Bride's Side.

Maid of Honor, Tracy Cosgriff.
Tracy is magnificent. Always there with encouragement, good wishes, love, and amazing fashion sense, Tracy predicted Josh's proposal at Disneyland. She is also absolutely brilliant, being the first and thus far only intern that the Vatican has ever had, and will do amazing things with her life. I love her dearly.

Bridesmaid, Robin Heady.
Robin is incredible. She possesses warmth and easy sensuality that makes her not only amazing, but a ball of pure joy. Her ideas are exciting and complete, she radiates positive energy and comfort, and she is dedicated to creativity and making things grow. I love her dearly.

Bridesdude, Andrew Peake.
Andrew is amazing. Just amazing. He is caring, he is passionate, he is generous, and he has a wonderful sense of humor. He is the most hard-working, dedicated man that I know and he constantly works (and I mean that literally) so that his principles of equality and justice are furthered. I love him dearly.

Bridesmaid, Jen Smuda Cotter.
Jen is fabulous. She is the most creative person that I know and also the most compassionate. She rescues animals that are in pain or in need of help, she is a strict vegetarian and has been for years, and she will give of herself with no expectation for anything in return. She can also bend wire to create an incredible ass head or a gorgeous pair of wings. I love her dearly.

Bridesmaid, Melissa Dahlberg.
Melissa is wonderful. She is my older sister and has always been there for me. She is creative and kind, and has wonderful ideas. She is one of the smartest people that I know and also one of the most generous. She has the most devious sense of humor. I love her dearly.

Bridesdude, Jeffry Asbury.
Jeffry is a force of nature. One of my best friends for years, Jeff was the guy that introduced me to Hayao Miyazaki movies and role playing games. He is resourceful and kind, and made me feel beautiful until I could learn to do it for myself. He is also the most hilarious guy I know. I love him dearly.

H: Flower girls! Flower girls EVERYWHERE!!!

Okay, so how cute is this?:


At the risk of writing a post that is too straight forward, these are our flower girl dresses. BAM!
They're adorable, they're appropriate, our flower girls liked them, and they ended up being 20% off! All in all, a wonderful find.
The search for them began, of course, with the selection of our flower girls.

*cue squiggly-Vaseline-covered lens lines accompanied by harp riff*

When Josh and I first got engaged and started thinking about wedding planning, we considered the various aspects involved with the wedding party; bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearers, and FLOWER GIRLS. Plural. More on that later :-)
I'm not overly keen on the idea of a ring bearer. The prospect of a kid carrying a frilly pillow with fake rings tied to it rubs me the wrong way due to my love of things being used as what they are. Plus, the idea of Jeff reaching in his pocket for my ring....I just like it. Same with Tracy producing Josh's. Okay, so ring bearer position OUT.
But who to choose for the flower girl? I knew, for starters, that I wanted an older girl. This is not to say that younger (say...two to four year old) flower girls aren't ADORABLE. I think my favorite was the little girl who was around three whose dress was just a touch too big and hung slightly off her shoulder. She meandered down the aisle not dropping petals before getting really confused and going to her Mom.
(Incidentally, I'm not being sarcastic at all. This WAS my favorite I nearly died from the cuteness. DIED I say!)
Regardless of this, it wasn't for us. I wanted an older girl who would walk in a straight line and drop the petals (call me selfish, but if I could get little satyrs frolicking and playing reed pipes to my entrance I would as long as the petals dropped. I have no clue why that is so important to me, but it is.) Compounding this is the fact that older yet still young girls are in plentiful supply in our family while really wee ones we'd have to hunt for. Josh has one young niece aged 9 and I have two, aged 9 and 10. Perfect. Now who to choose?
I loved the idea of having two flower girls, one representing each family as a symbol of our two families merging. That's easy enough, the two youngest are in. But humans love things that come in three's and I'm no exception, so with our numbers it couldn't be more perfect and a triad of flower girls was born. I think I'll get them little t-shirts.
I found these dresses at girlsdressshop.com finally ordered them on Tuesday. On Friday, I got a promotional email from the company advertising all of their dresses at 20% off, so I emailed and asked for the discount. They are obliging. Score!
This is one of the parts of our wedding that I'm looking forward to the most.

H: Fast times at Engagement High

Josh and I met and knew very quickly that we were not leaving each other, ever. Aside from divine intervention or the contemporary notion of falling in love, we don't know why. We have a slew of reasons about what you'd expect involving love and our life together (we get along, we're best friends, we're incredibly happy, blah blah blah) but there was something else there. Something that told us that this was a part of our fate, and when I say "fate" I'm not talking about the "falling into a mountain in the throes of martyrdom" fate. I mean more along the lines of "there's a higher power, and you can do whatever you want but if you go along with this it will most likely bode very well for you" kind of fate. We just KNEW. Hand in hand with just knowing beyond doubt or explanation that we were right.
What this translated to in our reality is two and a half months after we met, we had moved in together. A month after that we were engaged. Quick? Absolutely. Unusual? It was for us. Wrong? Certainly, absolutely and without a doubt not.

And apparently, we're not alone.
I've met more and more people during my engagement remarking that they KNEW that their mate was the one for them very early on in their relationship. A few of these I already knew about and needed no explanation; my parents were married six months after they met and just celebrated their 29th Wedding Anniversary while my Aunt Patty and Uncle Dennis KNEW after their first date (married 30 years now). But more recent than that, I've talked to other engaged women my age and several (not all of course) have remarked that they knew this person was their intended mate very early on in their relationship. By "early" I'm talking everything from the first date, to four months in the ring had been purchased. It's really interesting and often unexpected.
Josh and I wanted to be cautious with our hearts and had set up a timeline of when x, y, and z would happen. We had decided we would go very slowly, lots of baby steps. At least six months until we considered using the "L" word, a year until we'd consider moving in together, and another year until we'd consider marriage. We laugh about it now because somehow we accomplished all that within three months. *shrug* :-)

Regardless of the frequency with which this occurs, when we got engaged we still got flak from friends and family (all of which were young friends and family) thinking it was too soon. This was understandable so we knew we'd have to prepare ourselves to address concerns and assure them that - even though this was unexpected and not characteristic of either of us - this was right. Some of the flak came from expected places (my brother was none too happy but he's my big brother and that's his job) and some were unexpected (one of my now former best friends. Now THAT was a frustrating, infuriating, disappointing, but mostly heartbreaking experience).

On the opposite side of the spectrum, some places where we thought or were worried we'd find disapproval were the most supportive. My parents are an example of this, though not too surprising they were so supportive; obviously they understood as evidenced by their 29 years together. Plus, they're just supportive parents in general. I lucked out, I know. Josh's family was also very supportive and I'm very fortunate to be marrying into such a wonderful family.
When we got back from Disneyland (the site of our engagement) we immediately headed two places; Mom's and Jeff and Danielle's (Josh's brother-in-law and sister). Mom's reaction when we told her we were getting married was to walk up to me with a concerned look on her face and ask "now this is very important...do you have a date yet? Everything goes off the date!" Laura, Josh's Mom, gave me a hug and welcomed me to the family, and Jeff and Danielle were amazed that we weren't already married (or as Jeff put it "I thought you guys were going to come back married!" *turns to Danielle "didn't I say they'd come back married?" hahaha).

I had one set of amazing, wonderful, and timeless friends that I will forever be grateful for, and these were the darling people that said "Well, we're not so sure about this and we don't agree, but we love you and support you." Later on this became "we approve".
Incidentally, one of my best friends in the whole world pointed something out to me the other day. He said "you can disagree with someone; it doesn't mean you're right". I think that's one of the top three most validating and humbling things anyone has ever said to me and I'm very, very grateful for it.

We didn't do the "fairytale" love. There were no thunderbolts, no dreams in which a spirit guide says that in two weeks, four hours, 17 minutes and six seconds you will meet the man you're meant to marry. If someone told me that for Christmas 2008 I'd be getting a husband I would have said they were nuts (and then wondered if it was true).
We LOVE each other. The kind of comfortable, passionate love that some people can only dream about; the kind that sometimes will make my heart come out my eyes. When I fell in love with Josh, I felt like I had been let in on a special secret that was so very, very obvious all along.

Josh and I are happy. We are incredibly happy. We are incredibly, totally, and incandescently happy. Sometimes I think we're happier than two people have a right to be.
But what it came down to for Josh and I and was it still comes down to is that we needed each other. When that was over, we wanted each other. Now that we want each other, we need each other again. It's a wondrous and sometimes confusing aspect of life, but to be honest I couldn't be happier with it.

H: Saturday, April 10th. AKA Ridiculously Productive Day (Part II)

Hokay. So. Ze make up....
I'd mentioned before about having booked with Shana Beals from Shana Beals Makeup Artistry And Skin Studio in Sac. Her work is obviously good, she is obviously knowledgeable, and she is obviously very nice. One other obvious facet; she is obviously very, very expensive. $225 plus a $60 make up trial to have my make up done, plus $80 each person after that with a two person minimum. As part of the gift for our bridal party, we're paying to have their make up done and once I re-crunched the numbers, I realized that that was going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to be spending on this portion of our wedding :-(
For a while, I'd been kicking around the idea of going with someone else that had been recommended to me by another bride that had used the Monte Verde Inn; Traci Lynn Makeup Design. I took a look at her work; yes, yes very good...
I took a look at her philosophy regarding bridal makeup (she's there to enhance what's already there). Sounding better....
I checked out her rates, and they were beyond reasonable, PLUS she was (and still is) offering a 25% off coupon off all her services. Seriously.
Still, I'd already placed $100 deposit with Shana so I wanted to afford both of us the opportunity to work together first. So I emailed her to ask if she'd be willing to negotiate her prices. Unfortunately, the rate she quoted me WAS the discounted rate, and she needed to be firm. I understood that.

Meanwhile I emailed Traci to see if she was still available on November 20th. She emailed me back to say that she was and would I like to set up a trial (which she currently is offering for free)? I emailed back to say yes I would, and she was then able to fit me in on Saturday. Perfect! We could head to the florist, then after the florist head to her studio.

Our appointment at O'Shays lasted from 11 to about 1:30 or so. Mom and I dinked around for a while, we visited the local Ross (and I got my church wedding dress! I'll post on that later!), grabbed a bite to eat at Starbucks, and then finally at 4:15 we decided it was time to head to Traci's place.
She has a beautiful studio in her home, very clean and organized. I was immediately at ease. She definitely knew what she was doing, bustling around taking out brushes and creams. I told her a bit about my dress and from that she created a palette for me that was just gorgeous. I truly enjoyed her and the time went by so quickly! Better yet, her work was so good! I booked her on the spot.

I learned a valuable lesson regarding researching. The make up artistry is thus far the only aspect of the wedding that I didn't spend a significant amount of time (say, 4 to 6 hours minimum) researching before I put down a deposit. Luckily the $100 I lost doesn't mean much compared to the money that I'm saving going with someone that I'm inevitably more comfortable with anyway.
After I emailed Shana to let her know that I wouldn't be able to use her services, she emailed me back with another less expensive option that - had she presented it to me earlier when I first asked - I may have stayed with her. But then again, it's ifs and ands and I'm very happy with Traci. I can't wait! 223 days to go...

H: Saturday, April 10th. AKA Ridiculously Productive Day (Part I)

What you see above are the flowers and other assorted greenery that will adorn my bouquet, the bridesmaids bouquets, the grooms and grooms men's boutonnieres, various corsages, and Dondi's wreath. Yes, the Dondikins is getting a floral wreath. Oh, twill be adorable! :-)
Green cymbidium, lisianthus, seeded eucalyptus, green hydrangea (thanks for tolerating it, Miss Robin!), lily grass, mango calla lilies, and our beloved roses; circus and Leonidas. YUM!

Meeting with the absolutely lovely woman from O'Shays was quite easy, and between her eye for color and my ten-miles-north-of-apathy-regarding-flowers attitude (due mostly to the fact that I know their work is exemplary and I have nothing to worry about), we knocked out the floral aspect of the wedding! Oh, I wish I could remember her name! But she was so easy to work with and listened very intently to what I wanted. I was most pleased, and also most pleased at the price tag. Just over a grand. Not bad. Not bad at all!

H: Updates and other glorious (and I do mean glorious) things.

I just got back from a quick photo shoot trip with Jessica from Stout Photography, the most amazing photographer on Earth. I had SO. MUCH. FUN.
Jessica is simply divine. She has a genuine interest in people and a desire to get to know them that is refreshing and exciting to be a part of. Just as the plane was landing, she made the comment that there were so many people headed to Disneyland. I looked at her, she looked at me and said "You want to go to Disneyland???" to which I responded "YES!" Oh yeah. We totally went to Disneyland.
As for the photography shoot itself, it was comfortable, comforting, and again so much fun! I cannot wait for our engagement session in May and inspired by Jessica's style (inspiring being another word to describe her, incidentally), I want to be bold, be creative, be spontaneous! I cannot possibly recommend her enough.
Jessica is warm and caring, she's positive and has a beautiful nature coupled with a gentle spirit. At the same time, she exudes excitement (both she and her work are very exciting), strength and confidence. Mix that together and what you come up with is one of the most remarkable people and amazing artists of our time. I mean that very, very sincerely and I also can say with great pleasure that it was my honor to be photographed by her.

In other news, I've found a new bridal shower dress! It's summery and fun, with lovely blue flowers over a white base. I can't post the picture from the website so I'll have to get a picture of me in it, but in the meantime a picture can be found here.

Tomorrow we go to the florist, O'Shay's Flowers in Auburn. Very exciting! Figuring out the flowers is something that I've been looking forward to for a very long time. I met with a couple of the folks at the Monte Verde Inn tasting, and they were simply delightful. Again, exciting!

H: Oooooh bummer....

In my last post I referenced that lovely yellow summery concoction.
It came! I couldn't wait to get it from the office and try it on!
We got home and I tore open the box to see the loveliness in person. Oh, such a beauty! I whisked it away to...well away from a window since I live with my fiance and he's seen me....anyway. There it is in it's plastic wrapped glory, looking just like the picture! I remove it and unzip the side and get it over my head and scoot it down and....and....nothing.
As you lovely darlings know, I am what you'd call an "hourglass" shape. Full in shoulders, itty bitty waist, full in hips. What that translates to is that I'm a 10 up top and a 14 down below.
What THAT translates to in this little adventure is that the dress didn't fit.
Big bummer. :-(

But onward to finding a new dress!

H: Something summery, perhaps? Why yes, I do believe so....

I was talking to my fabulous Maid of Honor (MOH) Tracy regarding my bridal shower. This is the first that I've talked about my upcoming shower, and I've got to say that I am incredibly excited. In fact, it's one of the things that I'm looking forward to the most regarding my wedding. I think the main reason for that is that it's something that I have zero control over.
Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.
No decisions to make be they good, bad, or indifferent. No details to plan and fuss over. Nobody's feelings or opinions to consider.
All I have to do is show up in a pretty dress and have a great time with my friends and relatives. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo refreshing!!!!! Plus, while the oddest people you haven't spoken to in decades emerge from out of a cave when they hear you're getting married, not so much with a bridal shower. The bridal shower is purely fun with no pressure.
....um.....except for those throwing it. Love you Tracy! And special thanks to Mom for supplying the lovely venue.
So I mentioned that all I have to do is show up in a pretty dress. Well, this little tidbit sparked a conversation with the lovely Tracy involving bright colors and flowing fabric, the result of which was this little beauty:

*drool*

It was so exciting to order this dress, for the same reasons as I mentioned above; no pressure. All I have to do is show up in a beautiful dress and be there with the people I love at a party held in my honor. That is a humbling and exciting prospect. Now my mind is all abuzz with the possibilities of what may be waiting for me on that glorious July afternoon. What will the theme be? Alice in Wonderland? Swirls and leaves? Tiki torches EVERYWHERE? Oooooo the anticipation is exquisite!!!

H: Where have I been, anyway?

Yet another "you haven't blogged in forever why is that, huh, HUH???" post.
We've been doing two things:
1. Rehearsing, rehearsing, and rehearsing some more followed by opening night this past Friday. Thank God, I'll be getting some time back now that the show is open (and it's GREAT. Both the show and the time we get together now that it's open).
2. House hunting. Yep, Josh and I are buying a house.
So since wedding planning is for the most part taking care of itself for right now (meaning most everything is paid for on that end), we've backed off on it. Don't get me wrong, it's always on my mind. And things are starting to shift: do we still want fruit as our place cards? What about our guest book? How many disposable cameras do we want? Do we really want disposable cameras??? It goes on. In a couple of weeks, we'll be meeting with the florist.
But mostly it's the house hunting and the play and the paperwork involved that's been on the forefront of our lives.

House hunting is surprisingly a lot like dress shopping. Seriously! You get people together to go looking, you try on dozens of them and when you find the right one, you get a good feeling (I'm told). Of course, you have to keep price in mind and it's crucial to stick to the budget. Considering this is something we'll be paying off over 30 years as opposed to two one time payments, that last one is particularly important/serious. Honestly, it's overwhelming and that's with a highly communicative and wonderful Cousin/agent assisting us in our endeavor (we heart him so much). We went again yesterday and when we were done I was absolutely exhausted. But that's nothing too new, I've been perpetually exhausted for the past month so I can deal with no problem, and as per usual Josh is the most amazing man on earth so that helps.

Actually, I think I'll just take a moment to remember why all this is happening. Allow me if you will to gush about Josh:
- doesn't matter how hard my day was, he always wants to hear about it.
- he holds me when I need him to.
- he shares everything with me.
- we talk about everything.
- he makes me laugh constantly.
- he doesn't judge, he just loves.
- the usual what you'd expect; he's kind, loving, gentle, honest, caring, generous, funny, smart.
- he stops to help people by the side of the road/calls 911.
- he's the greatest man on Earth.

H: Pre-Cana

Hehe. Real original title, I know.
I know I said I was going to post about our separate bouquet and garter toss for the kids next, but I've opted not to. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind! ...about blogs. And paint colors. And...anyway. There's not much to say about it right now, we're thinking that we'll do something different with it, so not much point in blogging at present. I know what you're thinking; "but Helen, you blogged about DIYing the DJ!" Hush, you. That was a work in progress! This is different!

Josh and I had our Pre-Cana conference today in Sacramento. It was...nice. The people were nice, the building was nice, etc. It was facilitated by a couple around 15 years older than my parents and they've been married for 46 years (the couple, not my parents). They have 8 children and a very stable marriage, so it was wonderful to hear from them. Most of what they've talked about Josh and I have already touched on/settled on, so we felt pretty prepared. And we got a nice, shiny certificate proving that we went through the training! It's quite nice. Yeah. Nice.
As a non-Catholic, it was interesting to get a bit deeper into the Catholic perspective. It may have been just a *touch* on the dull and at times frustrating side due to the tangents, but I think it was useful. They covered Natural Family Planning which - as it turns out - is very effective. One of these days when Josh and I are considering having children, we'll give it a go.
It was a pretty long day. We were up around 7 to be there by 8:30 and we got out about 5:00.
*sigh*
I'm tired. :-)

H: "Just relax and have fun,honey, Mommy and Daddy are going to get their groove on." Part I

Like so many other couples who have come before us, we had to make the decision of whether or not to include children at our wedding. There are several schools of thought on this. Those that have children at their wedding typically do so because they like kids or come from families that like kids, they see children as a part of the life process and therefore want them at their wedding, they don't want to anger anyone or have someone not show up either because of childcare or out of protest, or any and all of the above. The opposite school regarding not having children at weddings typically is facilitated by wanting a more adult atmosphere where the guests can leave the kids at home for a bit and enjoy the evening, but also stem from the notion that because of the time/location/etc it may not be appropriate to have children present. In some cases, it's a matter of cost; how much it costs to have children present vs. whether or not they'll remember it/have a good time. Space does have a factor. If, for example you only have a small number of slots, you then need to decide if you're going to invite a friend, or your 2nd cousin that doesn't know you from Santa Claus but is nevertheless family. It's tricky.
For us, because we like kids and respect and appreciate both schools of thought, we wanted to find a happy medium.

We've opted to have some children at our wedding, and in so doing our goal is to ensure that all of our guests have a good time, be they 5, 25, or 50 (um...this is not to say that those over 50 won't have a good time...*ahem*). We wanted the adults to not have to worry about watching their kids or having to rescue them from the tempting clutches of mischief, and we wanted the kids to not be bored out of their poor little gourds listening to their parents "drone on" about something completely uninteresting to them. We kicked around all sorts of ideas; kids table, separate pizza party, scavenger hunt, babysitters.....wait a minute, go back one....
Babysitters. Yes!
I mentioned in my last post that we had met Jenny from The Special Event Nannies. What they do is set up the upstairs as a child haven and staff it with one nanny for every five children, or 1 nanny for two children under the age of 2. They set up age appropriate games and projects and parents can then drop off their kids and go downstairs and shake it without having to worry about who is watching their children and if they're behaving or not. Meanwhile, little Jimmy is playing and laughing and having a grand old time doing something that interests him. It's a win-win!

In my next post, I'll comment on our other little project for the wee ones: a separate bouquet and garter toss.
Here's a sneak peek:
Because of the tradition of the next one to catch the bouquet/garter will be the next to get married, we thought including children under the age of 17 would be grossly inappropriate. We've heard too many horror stories of 20 somethings putting a garter on a 5 year old to which we say "no sir!"
Instead, we're hearkening back to the days where people on floats in parades threw candy to youngsters. Because we next remembered that said youngsters occasionally got hurt in the ensuing stampede and the last thing our parents want is zipped up kiddies in the backseat on the way home, we've opted to throw toys and have enough on hand to throw a little adorable something to each wee one.
This is something I'm extremely excited about! We haven't decided what exactly we'll be throwing, but we do know it will be appropriate, fun, and absolutely adorable.

H: At long last...the tasting

Yesterday we were in Foresthill at the Monte Verde Inn for our tasting. There was a variety of food from all over the menu, and due to space restrictions as well as time restrictions and I'm sure money restrictions on their part, we sampled only the most popular portions of the menu. These included garlic chicken, Santa Fe styled tri tip, and veal roulade. Side dishes included scalloped potatoes, mushroom risotto with white truffle oil, and potato gnocchi. Then of course, there was cake:

(Trust me, it tastes as good as it looks)

The tasting was also an open house where we could meet vendors that we hadn't yet (Shana Beals make up and O'Shays flowers), and meet some that we didn't expect to see there but were so glad that we did (Event Nannies). It was also a wonderful opportunity to catch up with one of our vendors already established; our darling Mr. Joe. After sampling his DJ skills, we are even happier that he's our man! Simply fabulous.
As far as the food goes, it was, as expected, very good. We decided on beef (oh-man-delicious) for dinner and are so far undecided on the second entree. We were very regrettably unimpressed with the chicken (though others seemed to love it), which was very disappointing for us since we really, really wanted to enjoy it and have a chicken and a beef entree. Josh enjoyed the Veal loin roulade, but I'm hesitant to have two beef dishes. But no matter, we are very confident that the matter will work itself out. We thoroughly enjoyed the potato gnocchi and the mushroom risotto and - even though they're on another menu - we plan to incorporate them into our meal.
As for one of the most important parts - the cake - we were most impressed with the chocolate eclair cake: golden pound cake soaked with hazelnut liqueur filled with Bavarian cream and topped with chocolate ganache. Actually, Josh isn't big on chocolate so we'll be substituting the ganache with Chantelly cream. Hello YUM!!!
All in all it was a productive day, and we look forward to continuing on with our planning!

Updates on a few wedding related...well, you could call them "nightmares", sure.

Pashminas and shoes are ordered, scarf #30 is nearing completion, and the hunt is on for green ties for our groomspeople.

H: Hm. Hey, you know, we should consider a videographer...

Early on in our planning process we visited the prospect of hiring a videographer to record our ceremony. Because we didn't want anything particularly fancy, it was another one of those "perhaps-we-could-DIY it" things that later turned into "that's-not-very-practical-since-we-don't-want-to-do-it-and-don't-want-our-guests-to-either". We figured then that we could get a tri-pod and invest in a really nice camcorder, but then two things occurred to us:
1) we wouldn't use a camcorder after the wedding (but maybe I'll end up eating those words when we have kids...), and
2) sooooooooooooo much could go wrong with that scenario. The sound may not come out right, the camera may still have the lens cap on, the batteries could go dead, or worse; we may miss something very important.
No, in the end we were nervous enough about it to determine that this was another one of those special somethings best left to the people who know exactly what they're doing. So we went hunting (on Amazing Photographer Jessica's preferred vendors list...) and found Cael and Deana at Reel to Real Productions. I emailed, and almost immediately Deana emailed me back (which was fantastic!)
We met the next evening, sampled their work, and then got down to business. Josh and I were aiming for Package A, which would only capture the ceremony itself which is the most important thing to us. We were quite content with that, until Deana mentioned that they'd be happy to add on to the package since they'd be there anyway and they would also be happy to work with our budget. Then we were surprised and elated. So we shall now get the ceremony AND the formal dances! Very cool :-)
So last night we dropped by again, this time with signed contract and check in hand and made it official. And we're in cinematic business!

H: The usefullness of dreams

I had a dream last night. A wedding related dream. It's not the first that I've had and it certainly won't be the last, I'm sure.

In this dream I suddenly realized that it was November 19th. I wasn't ready for the wedding, I only had two of the bridesmaids that I wanted (and the others I hadn't seen in forever and didn't particularly like). But the most upsetting part of this dream was that I hadn't yet ordered them their pashminas!!!

Since we're having our wedding outside in November and our bridesmaids will be in various stages of dress (sleeves, sleeveless, short, long, etc. etc.) I early on determined that I wanted to gift them something that would keep them nice and warm. After a bit of searching, I came across these:


I've had my eye on them for a few months now, but still had yet to order them. Having that dream however really kick-started my procrastinating be-hind and they should be here next week.

I've had quite a few wedding dreams now, and they usually have to do with me missing out on something that I really wanted; my bridal shower, my wedding party, mailing out the invitations, the pashminas, my dress, the venue, the list goes on.
Incidentally - in one particularly colorful dream - my venue was a high school gymnasium, the dress was out of the 80's, I didn't get to send out my invitations, I didn't know the bridal party, and suddenly Michael Jackson was there offering me a homemade apple fritter. True story!

The good thing about these dreams - and what makes them particularly useful - is what happens to me when I wake up; I get things done!