H: When dreams and reality collide.

78 days left. 62 scarves complete. 55 confirmed RSVPs received, slightly more beef than chicken with one vegetarian thus far, two if you count Bridesmaid Jen who doesn't really need to RSVP. I'm gobbling up the news of response cards received and making the same to-do lists over and over again, always shifting and changing what I think still needs to get done, letting go of what is too late to accomplish.
Suddenly it is all very, very real and I find myself wondering what is going to go wrong and if this is in fact going to be the greatest day of my life. When I ask myself the questions themselves I come back with "of course not, silly goose". I get to emerge as fully married to the love of my life by the end of November. How many people truly get to do that? That's very real and that's what it's really about. But the fact that my wedding is no longer an abstract seems to be making me somewhat uneasy. I wish I knew why because I would really, really like to know. Maybe the magnitude of what is happening. I feel like there's a large and very important flock of geese headed in this direction, and I've always been on the flight path. But this time instead of being a stop along the way, Josh and I are the destination.
I don't know. I can't really think of any other appropriate metaphors, even avian ones. I don't even know if I'm right. Maybe I'm feeling stress. Maybe buying a house while finishing up wedding planning is what's fueling my feelings of malaise. Maybe that once again everything is changing rapidly and I'm trying to catch up. Maybe it's about having to heal and being in the middle of getting my body back from indescribable pain and the knowledge that I am, in fact, still an animal. Maybe it's a combination. Whatever it is, I am really, really emotionally drained.
I don't mean to complain, I really don't. I'm incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and the people in my life that I have. My life is wonderful, I don't pretend that it isn't. I suppose that I'm just in the middle of a lot and it's taking a bunch out of me. I thoroughly look forward to the coming festivities!