H: Weight Loss and the W word

Pressure, pressure, pressure.
We live with daily societal pressure.It provides a veritable How-to for just about everything; how to be a good daughter, how to screw up your life, how to fit in, how to keep on top, how to be accepted by your fellow human beings, how to keep polite company. It is, for lack of a better term, our way. Wedding planning is no different, and while living inside of it I've seen these how-to's amplified, exemplified, and without logic celebrated to the point of infamy. I've been exposed to a completely different societal pressure than I ever have before. One of those societal pressures? Weight loss. In order to be the ideal bride, I must wear a white dress, I must have my hair done, I must be neatly trimmed with make-up in place, and I must be thin. If I'm not, there will be consequences. Observe:



and my personal favorite:

I've got to ask....does this piss anyone else off? Or is it just me?

I'm now ashamed to admit that one of the first things I thought of when Josh and I set a date was "okay....that gives me a year and a half to lose weight" and I'm certainly not alone. Some people do see a wedding as an excellent chance to drop some weight, and this can be a good thing because it provides a wonderful opportunity for better health. I myself have dropped a few pounds (though that's because I put my back out last month and pain is an appetite suppressant) and yes, I feel and look a bit better. I'm not against that by any stretch of the imagination.
BUT one of the saddest things that I constantly come across on the wedding forums is people trying to lose weight for their wedding in the UNFOUNDED belief that if they don't they will be ugly, or they won't have a good time, or more importantly, that they somehow would have let everyone down.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially calling BULL$**T.

Josh loves me, all of me, the way I am. He does not judge me because I have a little extra in the trunk (always have, always will). He loves my arms, even though I think they're flabby. Is he going to see me coming down the aisle and think "hmm, she could have stood to lose a bit"? Hell no. I'm not going to starve myself. I'm not going to feel bad about myself.

I'm going to be a bride, the way I am.

H: When dreams and reality collide.

78 days left. 62 scarves complete. 55 confirmed RSVPs received, slightly more beef than chicken with one vegetarian thus far, two if you count Bridesmaid Jen who doesn't really need to RSVP. I'm gobbling up the news of response cards received and making the same to-do lists over and over again, always shifting and changing what I think still needs to get done, letting go of what is too late to accomplish.
Suddenly it is all very, very real and I find myself wondering what is going to go wrong and if this is in fact going to be the greatest day of my life. When I ask myself the questions themselves I come back with "of course not, silly goose". I get to emerge as fully married to the love of my life by the end of November. How many people truly get to do that? That's very real and that's what it's really about. But the fact that my wedding is no longer an abstract seems to be making me somewhat uneasy. I wish I knew why because I would really, really like to know. Maybe the magnitude of what is happening. I feel like there's a large and very important flock of geese headed in this direction, and I've always been on the flight path. But this time instead of being a stop along the way, Josh and I are the destination.
I don't know. I can't really think of any other appropriate metaphors, even avian ones. I don't even know if I'm right. Maybe I'm feeling stress. Maybe buying a house while finishing up wedding planning is what's fueling my feelings of malaise. Maybe that once again everything is changing rapidly and I'm trying to catch up. Maybe it's about having to heal and being in the middle of getting my body back from indescribable pain and the knowledge that I am, in fact, still an animal. Maybe it's a combination. Whatever it is, I am really, really emotionally drained.
I don't mean to complain, I really don't. I'm incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and the people in my life that I have. My life is wonderful, I don't pretend that it isn't. I suppose that I'm just in the middle of a lot and it's taking a bunch out of me. I thoroughly look forward to the coming festivities!