H:The Guest List (or, as it's more commonly known, The Complicated Bane of My Existence)

I have very, very little to complain about regarding wedding planning (and regarding everything else, for that matter). I'm extremely lucky to have the support of my awesome family and friends, and the love of the most incredible, amazing, wonderful man on Earth (yes, he is that cool). And the truth is that I've really been enjoying wedding planning. Really. Truly! I love the details, the sweet, sweet creativity, the knowledge that it's going to come together beautifully, and the deep seeded belief that we're all going to have a glorious time and really, I've been keeping it in perspective. I've been so fortunate in that I have not in any way been plagued by many of the horrid situations or fears that other brides on the various wedding forums have been.
Except one.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you.....The Guest List.

*cue violins courtesy of the Amityville Horror*

As I've stated before in my postings, we are having a small and intimate wedding and consequently we have 80 slots. *80*.
Who would have thought that after including family, extended family, friends, and then adding family politics into the mix that we'd have some ridiculous decisions to make?
Well. Here we are!
Yikes.
Want to have an adult only reception so you don't have to decide between your friend from college and your little cousin that has to be re-introduced to you every time you see him? You certainly can, but beware the family boycott. Want to exclude your aunt that you haven't seen or spoken to in fifteen years? Careful, you don't want to offend Grandma. Good friends with someone and want to invite them, but haven't talked to them in a while? You could leave them out, but then you run the risk of becoming better friends in the next few weeks but the invites have already gone out and now they know they're a B lister.
Oh, and if you don't get this right you WILL light their fire of ire.
Good luck!

*Cue Amittyville violins again, but this time add a splash of insomnia and an unyielding ball of stress in the gut*

Planning a wedding is amazing because you learn so much about SO MUCH, including, but not limited to:
- yourself
- the people around you
- politics
- family dynamics
- economics
and last but *certainly* not least
- diplomacy.

I have had the worst time trying to determine who to leave out, not the least bit in part because I've had the worst time determining who I think it's okay (read: that I can deal with) to offend. This is because for whatever reason, no matter what I do I WILL offend someone, and this is one of the few instances where the wedding world and the real world collide. In this world, offending someone means that your wedding is boycotted and you are blacklisted from lives and events and talked about negatively among the people who are most supposed to love, support, and understand you. This must lead to damage control; explanations, apologies, awkward communications.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeat.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Probably. At least I really, really hope so. I've read so many sources now all telling me that plenty of people don't show up for whatever reason, basically stating that like so many other things, this is a problem that tends to take care of itself. I'm a big believer in that, which tends to save my sanity.
In my quiet moments when I get a bit less pensive and stop over thinking it (a common problem of mine), a lot of this doesn't make any logical sense. If a person doesn't even know I'm getting married until I send them an invite, why should they be offended when they find out later I didn't invite them in the first place? What about the people who have no intention of coming but must be invited. Why care so much? And how is it that I'm selfish if I don't want something specific/traditional at my reception, but you do?

I don't know if there's a simple answer, but if there was one I would say it's "inclusion". We all want to feel needed, to feel important enough to someone to attend their wedding, and this boils down to what the modern idea of a wedding is. To me, the wedding is a huge party that we throw to declare that we are together for life, and we throw it for the people closest to us. Not our parents, not our friends, not our extended families, us. Simple in concept, but in practice, not so much. This is because of the other side of the fence; people that believe that weddings are strictly a community affair. And it isn't that I don't believe that, because I really do! The whole reason why we have weddings in the first place is to be recognized and accepted by society as a married couple ("hands off, this is MY spouse!").

I would love to have a HUGE wedding with everyone I've ever loved there, and that's the God's Honest Truth (and if not His, then definitely mine). But we can't. We don't have the space or the scratch for what we would really want to do for all those people. Back in the day, if you couldn't throw something ornate and lovely for everyone, you didn't do it. You had cake and punch in your parent's backyard as long as you included everyone. But that isn't what we want for our wedding.

I HATE that we have to choose. But we do, in fact, have to choose. And when we do, we have to hope that we don't offend, don't inflict, don't inflame, and don't hurt anyone in a process that is complicated, rugged, and raw.

H: Falling back in love, with the help of a friend.

I must admit, I have been the victim of Dress Envy. Seeing women posting their dresses on the wedding forums at times made me yearn to dive back into an ocean of soft tulle, shining satin, luscious lace, and tafftastic taffeta. I longed to feel the wondrous swish of silk as it glided across my warm cheek. And ultimately, I questioned my love for my dress. Was it really "the One"? Was this the dress that I could see myself getting married in? Did I want to keep looking?
This past Saturday, I accompanied the glorious Miss Robin as she went wedding dress shopping and after the fact these feelings flew back at me. She found her dress, (which looks absolutely stunning on her and at an equally stunning price) and as I happily helped her search through the racks, zipped her up, and adjusted the various trains it brought back memories of my own dress shopping experience (the agonizing, the wondering, the promises of weight loss, the bargaining) and more importantly, when I found The One (eureka).
I didn't have the thunderbolt moment (I think I've blogged about that before...or maybe I haven't, I don't remember....is that bad?). It was more that I could see myself standing next to Josh wearing the dress. I felt like ME in it. And suddenly I realized that I couldn't wait to put it on again. Heck, I couldn't wait to SEE it again.
I went to visit it on Sunday. Mom brought it out and opened it up, and all I could do was pet it gently and mutter "so pretty....so very, very pretty...."
Oh yes. A sure sign that my dress is The One.

H: Miss Robin and Mr. Jeffry go to the altar.

Soooooooooooooo this past Tuesday one of my best friends in the world and one of my bridesmaids, Miss Robin Heady, got engaged to one of my best friends in the world and one of my bridesdudes, Mr. Jeffry Asbury. Thrilling. Positively thrilling.
Also positively thrilling? Miss Robin has asked me to be her Maid of Honor. Of course I have accepted!

H: Our teaser pics! (Yes, can you believe these are just the teasers?)

Jessica is amazing. I could go on and on about how she isn't just interested in her work, but interested in general. I could go on and on about how she truly cares for people and their love for each other, and how it shines through in her work. I could talk about what a wonderful person she is and what a tremendous artist. But I won't. I'll let the evidence speak for itself.
Enjoy.

H: Awesome

Yesterday was very busy and, as expected, A WHOLE LOT OF FUN!!!!!

New haircuts, nails painted, and oh such a wonderful artistic endeavor. Jessica says sneak peeks around Friday or so and I can't wait to post about them!

And yes, I am posting again at 4 am. Why? I wish to God I knew.

H: The most exciting two days I've had since I was six. Parts I and II

Oooooh I've been waiting to write this post...literally.

PART I:

5/11/10 10:26 am

It feels like the night before Christmas.
Not the kind I have now (where I'm up doing all the stuff that I still need to get done by day break before crashing from exhaustion), but the kind I had when I was a little kid (where I was hiding under a blanket with a flashlight waiting for Santa Claus before crashing from exhaustion).

I am excited.

I am VERY excited.

I am EXTREMELY excited.

I am so excited that last night I couldn't sleep and when I did I had weird dreams. Staying in my chair at work is posing a challenge and I'm giggling like a school girl every five minutes. I know that because I keep watching the clock, counting down the hours/minutes/you guessed it seconds.

Why, you ask? Two reasons:

1. Tomorrow our engagement photos will be taken with the magnificent and brilliant Jessica Moores and

2. One of my best friends in the whole world is getting engaged to one of my other best friends in the whole world. TONIGHT!

***SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL***

It doesn't seem rational that they're getting engaged and I'M as excited about it as I am, but I am! I think this is due in large part of the fact that I love them both with great fervor and devotion, and also that I selfishly am happy to not be alone. The prospect of getting to share planning and events with a best girl friend is so exciting that I just wet myself a little.

PLUS there's the little matter of these two people being two of the finest on Earth. They deserve to have a beautiful wedding and to be incredibly happy.

Jeff, Robin, I love you both so much and (as evidenced by the above rantings) I'm so excited for you! I promise, not in a creepy way!

Oh and Miss Robin: I'm sorry about deliberately misleading you (technically I didn't lie!) into thinking you'd be engaged at Christmas. But I'm sure you understand that with your refined ability to weed out information (the CIA would love you), subtle and sneaky measures were needed. My sincerest hope is that when Jeff pulled out the ring, it was a pleasant and heart-pounding surprise for you.

My Handsome Jeff: I hope that you got to say everything that you wanted to and that the pressure wasn't too much to stop you from enjoying yourself.

Somehow, I think it will turn out perfectly :-)


PART II

5/12/10 4:05 am

Once again I can't sleep and once again it's because of the same two reasons above; my darling Jeff and Robin and the incomparable Jessica Moores. The excitement of Jeff and Robin's engagement has taken hold and I'm ecstatic for them! Best part of my evening? That first text message from Robin ("you big fat liar!!!).
To my darling Miss Robin: I regret nothing!!!

Today Josh and I have our engagement session with Jessica, and that is what is primarily keeping me up at present. 4 am and I'm wide awake, plotting and thinking up fun things to do. Josh and I will be having our engagement The Citizen Hotel in Sacramento and the possibilities are ENDLESS. My list so far?
- Playing in the bathtub.
- Playing in the bathtub with rubber duckies that were a gift from my co-worker, Victoria.
- Jumping on the bed.
- Making a fort out of pillows and sheets.
- Coloring with markers and paper.
- Making signs with said markers and paper.
- Pillow fight!
- Beautiful pics of the two of us from above.
- Gorgeous laid back photos at the hotel cafe.
- Photos at sunset. 'Nuff said.

Incidentally, this is also a day of much needed pampering.
Today's schedule:
11:30: Josh's haircut and Nina's Salon in Davis.
12:00: Nail appointment (mani/pedi. THAT is going to be awesome as my nails are a MESS).
1:30: Hair appointment at Nina's Salon.
3:00: Make-up appointment at Smooth as Silk in Davis.
4:30: Pictures at The Citizen!!!

Oh yes. EXCITING.
On a practical note, I should probably do something about this excitement. I'm very happy to have it and it lends to surges in productivity, but there are some drawbacks. First, at its peak it made me physically nauseous (though to be fair that could have been the chicken burrito I had for dinner). And second, I really should be sleeping right now. I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure that the day before my wedding it will be necessary to drug myself.
I'd better get the experimenting with Benadryl and brandy out of the way BEFORE November 19th.

H: Trusting others with my wishes (literally)

The night before last I had another of my wedding nightmares and, like all the others, this one involved me forgetting to do something I really wanted to have there, thereby not getting to do something I really wanted to do (the dominant theme in my wedding dreams). More specifically, the Wish Tree hadn't been prepared/had been forgotten by me. AND people saw me in my dress before the ceremony and....and....and....yikes. While this one didn't involve Michael Jackson (rest his soul) offering me a platter of homemade apple fritters, it did produce the same level of desire for productiveness as the last one.

Instead of doing a traditional guest book, Josh and I loved the idea of doing a wish tree.
A wish tree is where people write their names, good wishes, and pieces of advice on a piece of pretty paper and then hang it on a tree.
Looks something like this:

Gorgeous, no?

I love this for a variety of reasons, not just how pretty it is. We also have a tree theme going on and it's a lovely spin on the traditional guest book. I'm really hoping that our guests will enjoy the idea as much as I do and will embrace it. Once the wedding is over, Josh and I plan on either finding a place for it in our new home, or making an extra special wedding scrapbook will the "leaves" in it.
This is one of my favorite parts of my wedding planning, and also one that I'm thinking I'm going to step away from.
I consider myself creative and crafty and following the instruction of my bloodline, I love to build things. This would be a cinch. But it's also one of those things that I'm not going to want to have to fiddle with on my wedding day (okay, that's a lie. I would LOVE to, but I'm not sure I'd have time) so I'm thinking I'll hand this project over to one perhaps two of my very capable and artistically inclined bridesmaids. Delegate, delegate, delegate!

H: Under 200 days.

We are 198 days out from our wedding. Is this particularly significant? Other than the fact that we are now LESS THAN 200 DAYS until the big day (!!! Woot!)? Nah, I guess not :-)
However it is significant and satisfying enough to warrant a blog post. Why? Because it sounds like less time than "a little over six months". Months take four weeks to move, but days? It's easy to see those tick away; just 24 hours to go until your next tiny piece of instant gratification. Considering that "patience is a virtue" was gently hammered into me from the cradle and I'm the type of person who eats her favorite food on her plate last out of sheer principle, it's a guilty pleasure that I can get on board with.

I'm one of those brides determined to have everything done and out of the way well in advance, and it's luckily a very realistic goal for me. All the major stuff is done and most of the minor stuff has been decided upon. All that's left now is to see it come to fruition which gives me plenty of time to watch the clock.
Exciting, exciting, exciting!
Speaking of exciting, Josh and I are starting to get our registry up and running. We've already started an Amazon.com registry, and tonight we've got a date with a scan gun at Macy's! I've heard that it's easy to go nuts and want everything you see. We'll try to reign it in!

H: A bit of reading.

At the risk of giving too much of our ceremony away before the big reveal (aka THE big day), I wanted to share this piece that will be read at our wedding. Mostly I think this is because I'm afraid it may be too long and need to be shortened, and just in case that happens it deserves to be posted here in its' entirety.

It’s from Plato’s Symposium:

Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of the ills which prevent us from being happy.

To understand the power of Love, we must understand that our original human nature was not like it is now, but different. Human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. There were three sexes then: one comprised of two men called the children of the Sun, one made of two women called the children of the Earth, and a third made of a man and a woman, called the children of the Moon. Due to the power and might of these original humans, the Gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. They sought for a way to end the humans’ insolence without destroying them.

It was at this point that Zeus divided the humans in half. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of humankind.

Each of us when separated, having one side only, is but the indenture of a person, and we are always looking for our other half. Those whose original nature lies with the children of the Sun are men who are drawn to other men, those from the children of the Earth are women who love other women, and those from the children of the Moon are men and women drawn to one another. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the others sight even for a moment. We pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love.

I understand this so completely that I cry when I read it. Heck, even skimming over a few lines gets me going and I'm talking waterworks here, folks. It's one of the things that explains the inexplicable about love, something that I feel so deeply and so completely for Josh that there was no other reading that I would rather have at my wedding. Luckily, Josh agrees!
This piece also allows for us to engage our views that any two people who feel this way too should have the same legal rights as we do.
We're still on the lookout for another piece to be read, hopefully from the Bible. We're not sure what yet. The old stand-by Corinthians is nice with the "love is patient, love is kind". You know the one. It's not any less true, and we can certainly agree with the sentiment, but unfortunately like every pot roast I've ever made, it's overdone.
The search is on!!!