H:The Guest List (or, as it's more commonly known, The Complicated Bane of My Existence)

I have very, very little to complain about regarding wedding planning (and regarding everything else, for that matter). I'm extremely lucky to have the support of my awesome family and friends, and the love of the most incredible, amazing, wonderful man on Earth (yes, he is that cool). And the truth is that I've really been enjoying wedding planning. Really. Truly! I love the details, the sweet, sweet creativity, the knowledge that it's going to come together beautifully, and the deep seeded belief that we're all going to have a glorious time and really, I've been keeping it in perspective. I've been so fortunate in that I have not in any way been plagued by many of the horrid situations or fears that other brides on the various wedding forums have been.
Except one.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you.....The Guest List.

*cue violins courtesy of the Amityville Horror*

As I've stated before in my postings, we are having a small and intimate wedding and consequently we have 80 slots. *80*.
Who would have thought that after including family, extended family, friends, and then adding family politics into the mix that we'd have some ridiculous decisions to make?
Well. Here we are!
Yikes.
Want to have an adult only reception so you don't have to decide between your friend from college and your little cousin that has to be re-introduced to you every time you see him? You certainly can, but beware the family boycott. Want to exclude your aunt that you haven't seen or spoken to in fifteen years? Careful, you don't want to offend Grandma. Good friends with someone and want to invite them, but haven't talked to them in a while? You could leave them out, but then you run the risk of becoming better friends in the next few weeks but the invites have already gone out and now they know they're a B lister.
Oh, and if you don't get this right you WILL light their fire of ire.
Good luck!

*Cue Amittyville violins again, but this time add a splash of insomnia and an unyielding ball of stress in the gut*

Planning a wedding is amazing because you learn so much about SO MUCH, including, but not limited to:
- yourself
- the people around you
- politics
- family dynamics
- economics
and last but *certainly* not least
- diplomacy.

I have had the worst time trying to determine who to leave out, not the least bit in part because I've had the worst time determining who I think it's okay (read: that I can deal with) to offend. This is because for whatever reason, no matter what I do I WILL offend someone, and this is one of the few instances where the wedding world and the real world collide. In this world, offending someone means that your wedding is boycotted and you are blacklisted from lives and events and talked about negatively among the people who are most supposed to love, support, and understand you. This must lead to damage control; explanations, apologies, awkward communications.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeat.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Probably. At least I really, really hope so. I've read so many sources now all telling me that plenty of people don't show up for whatever reason, basically stating that like so many other things, this is a problem that tends to take care of itself. I'm a big believer in that, which tends to save my sanity.
In my quiet moments when I get a bit less pensive and stop over thinking it (a common problem of mine), a lot of this doesn't make any logical sense. If a person doesn't even know I'm getting married until I send them an invite, why should they be offended when they find out later I didn't invite them in the first place? What about the people who have no intention of coming but must be invited. Why care so much? And how is it that I'm selfish if I don't want something specific/traditional at my reception, but you do?

I don't know if there's a simple answer, but if there was one I would say it's "inclusion". We all want to feel needed, to feel important enough to someone to attend their wedding, and this boils down to what the modern idea of a wedding is. To me, the wedding is a huge party that we throw to declare that we are together for life, and we throw it for the people closest to us. Not our parents, not our friends, not our extended families, us. Simple in concept, but in practice, not so much. This is because of the other side of the fence; people that believe that weddings are strictly a community affair. And it isn't that I don't believe that, because I really do! The whole reason why we have weddings in the first place is to be recognized and accepted by society as a married couple ("hands off, this is MY spouse!").

I would love to have a HUGE wedding with everyone I've ever loved there, and that's the God's Honest Truth (and if not His, then definitely mine). But we can't. We don't have the space or the scratch for what we would really want to do for all those people. Back in the day, if you couldn't throw something ornate and lovely for everyone, you didn't do it. You had cake and punch in your parent's backyard as long as you included everyone. But that isn't what we want for our wedding.

I HATE that we have to choose. But we do, in fact, have to choose. And when we do, we have to hope that we don't offend, don't inflict, don't inflame, and don't hurt anyone in a process that is complicated, rugged, and raw.